I want to run away. Far away. To a place where no one knows my existence. Or maybe it is just better to end my existence.

I have tried, and I have failed. I do not know if there’s anyhing else I can do to save myself from drowning. Every fucking day, I sleep with tears in my pillow, pondering what have I done wrong this time. I wake up in the morning and I start my day walking on eggshells. I have to be careful with everything that comes into my mind and everything that comes out of my mouth because for every wrong turn I can be blamed and will surely end up with either guilt or regret. I wake up everyday hoping this day will be better than yesterday. Well, am I an idiot to live like this? Keep your thoughts to yourself. I am already aware of the obvious.

Yes, life is full of uncertainties, but I am tired of the “come what may” kind of living. I am tired of being an option. I am tired of waiting. I have been waiting. I have been patient. Really patient. The loose ends that I have been trying my best to put a knot on does not seem to work. What else can I do? How will I know when to stop? Shall I keep trying?

They are asphyxiating, the monsters under my bed and the smothering vines in my head. They consume me at dusk and they follow me at dawn.

I just want this to get this over with. Here I am, giving my last goodbye.


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